What Happened to American Decency?

You're not privileged because your parents did the right thing. That should be the default for society. And the ones that do the wrong thing or don't do enough should be the anomaly.

My younger children shouldn’t know what a drag queen, porn star, or drug addict are, even if I were one.

Transcript

Will Loconto:

I'm Will Loconto. I'm here with my partner Cindy Bass. Today we're asking what happened to American decency

Cindy Bass:

A long time ago, things would happen in small increments, but now it's just, it's out of whack. It's what I call bananas. I mean, everyone's indecent.

Will Loconto:

Well, the problem essentially stems from the idea that decency and morality are some sort of flexible thing. That in an equitable society, everything is okay and everything's justifiable. And we should allow people to be people, allow everybody to do what they do and leave everyone alone. It seems like the concept of common decency has been replaced by false kindness. What is being called? Allyship, selfishness, narcissism, and virtue signaling. It's all become, let me show you how good of a person I am, not by what I do, but it's mostly about what I say and how I present myself.

Cindy Bass:

And in the meantime, they're prancing around in nasty drag things in front of children, and they think that's decent. I mean, honestly, we've talked about this a number of times, and I just don't know who in this world, there must be a lot of people that think it's decent, but how could you think that was decent?

Will Loconto:

Well, I'm not sure that people think it's decent. It's a thing where people in their desire to be kind, they don't want to condemn something, and then they can justify glossing over it by saying, I'm sure this doesn't happen that often.

Cindy Bass:

Yes. But what I'm wondering is why somebody can say this drag stuff is okay, and they don't cut it off when it talks about children. I don't have a problem with people doing drag. That's their own thing. There was a musical Kinky Boots I went to see. I loved it. It was an amazing musical show. Theater, theater production. So I'm not adverse to, and I'm not someone that lives in a bubble that is some religious nut that says these things can't happen. But I am saying you cut it completely off when it comes to children. And so that's indecent to me.

Will Loconto:

Yeah, I'll go a little bit further and say that drag belongs in a drag show. It doesn't belong in a boardroom or in a business. The lines need to be drawn.

Cindy Bass:

This is a really important one to me. This particular episode, because I spent so much time with my children, never said the word decent. I just showed the word decent by my actions. I taught them manners. And I just experienced a group of people that completely were oblivious to a man, clearly had ALS and was in a wheelchair, and he couldn't maneuver through this crowd. People are oblivious to him walking right in front of him or not. Like the Red Sea should have parted for him. This man needed access.

Will Loconto:

People are stumbling over themselves to step in front of the guy in the wheelchair,

Cindy Bass:

To get past it faster.

Will Loconto:

Rather than to get out of the way. And that's one of the things that I want to say real quick, is that this idea of what happened to decency decent runs the gamut from manners to respectability, to respect for others to the, there's so many elements to decency. It's been obliterated. And like I said, the selfishness, the narcissism, the virtue signaling has taken over. Decency is actions. Decency is actions. Decency is not virtue signaling, decency is not narcissism. Decency is not selfishness. It's the opposite of those things.

Cindy Bass:

Decency is a standard too.

Will Loconto:

And decency is not tolerating things that shouldn't be tolerated.

Cindy Bass:

It's integrity, you know, can actually lump in hard work, loyal, kind, but the biggest one,

Will Loconto:

Being respectful of other people's time, being respectful of other people's things. You're being respectful of other people's property.

Cindy Bass:

Your moral, it's your moral compass,

Will Loconto:

A moral compass. And if you don't have a moral compass, you're a bad person.

Cindy Bass:

Period.

Will Loconto:

Yes.

Cindy Bass:

There's no discussion.

Will Loconto:

And it has nothing to do with a morality dictate of some religious weirdo saying, this is how you should be. Being a good person is not some subjective thing. These are things that should be a universal truth, not some sort of thing that says, oh, well, you're being X, Y, and Z, so we say you're good, or we say you're bad. This isn't some morality play where we're, we're trying to be the prudes that are saying, oh, we should hide this from kids and we should, A kid shouldn't know what a drag queen is. A kid shouldn't know what a porn star is.

Cindy Bass:

Little kids.

Will Loconto:

Yeah, little kids. A kid shouldn't know what a drug addict is.

Cindy Bass:

There's no reason for them to know.

Will Loconto:

Even if I were one of those, my small children should never know that. There's no question about that. This should be a universal truth, right?

Cindy Bass:

Yes. I really, really, really have taught my kids and take pride in that. And I think you do too, is when we see them showing good manners and it is directly from doing it ourselves. So everywhere we go, I would open the door for the next person or hold the door for people coming.

Will Loconto:

Well, right. I always do

Cindy Bass:

That. No, I'm saying. But we modeled that from the time they were born till as they're older. So now our kids

Will Loconto:

Courtesy is something that should be a default, not a privilege. Courtesy for each other should be built into our children and modeled for them. And anything less is a failure. How we conduct ourselves matters in the world. Holding other people up to expectations of how they conduct themselves matters.

Cindy Bass:

Well, this is a self-centered selfish world. And these parents are not even thinking about their kids. They're just feeding them and they're living in a life of self consumption.

Will Loconto:

Self gratification. Yes. Yeah. It's just

Cindy Bass:

All about them.

Will Loconto:

The narcissism, the selfishness. And then also, let's hold up the idea of self-respect versus victimhood. The society we live in incentivizes, victimhood and rewards victimhood now. And it's more about what can I get? What can I get from society? What can I take? And this isn't a thing about what

Cindy Bass:

Am I owed?

Will Loconto:

Yeah. What am I owed? Yes. And there's no dignity in being a victim. There's no integrity in being a victim, especially when you're not a victim.

Cindy Bass:

We wanted to make sure that we say this is not about religion. This is not about a church or doctrine or anything that we're talking about. We're talking about a moral compass of humanity, community standards, protecting children.

Will Loconto:

And this isn't something where somebody will come back and say, who are you to say what's normal? Who are you to say what's moral? Who are you to say what's, okay? The bar we should use to measure what's, okay. Does it push society in a positive direction? Does it push our community in a positive direction? Does it lift our children up in a positive direction? And if it doesn't, then it's not. It shouldn't be.

Cindy Bass:

So if it is making things decline, it is not acceptable.

Will Loconto:

No. Letting people live on the streets,

Cindy Bass:

Everybody knows what decline means.

Will Loconto:

Well, you can stand outside, walk down the street and see the damn decline of the country every day. It's not decent to allow people to live on the streets and do drugs on the streets.

Cindy Bass:

Yeah, let's talk about Gavin Newsom's California in San Francisco, people are shitting on the street an d then children are having to be, let's just say I was walking my child through San Francisco, all the conversations I'd have to have and all the fear my child would have. And if you see someone shooting up and foaming at the mouth and passed out,

Will Loconto:

Or taking a dump on the street,

Cindy Bass:

Yes. But I mean, just all of this stuff you are going to have to tell your child, and you're either one of two things. You're going to be the mom that goes by, oh, "we feel sorry for him and we should take care of him."

Will Loconto:

Well, or you could be the idiot that makes up the, " well, the rich people in the world are screwing these people so badly,"

Cindy Bass:

Yes.

That they're drug addicts on the street living in a tent. And that's a lie.

Or you're the mother I if I wouldn't live near it. No, but that's the saddest part is San Francisco is one of the most beautiful places on earth. I have been there. I've experienced this place, and it is truly beautiful.

Will Loconto:

Would you take a small child there now?

Cindy Bass:

No.

Will Loconto:

Can you imagine having to walk a child through those tents every day to get

Cindy Bass:

To school? But I will tell you that I will always have a positive prayerful thought that something will happen for San Francisco, that it'll turn around,

Will Loconto:

Returns it back to degree,

Cindy Bass:

It'll turn around. Because what an amazing place they have. They really do. I mean,

Will Loconto:

Well, the reality is that progressive policies are destroying our cities.

Cindy Bass:

But what I was going to sa y is if I'm a mother going past this, this is what happens to me. I yank my kid up if physically possible, and hold them past them. And I say, that guy is doing drugs that's illegal. And we don't do that. And to whatever age they are to what they could understand and what's appropriate, I would tell them that in a negative way. And then I probably would say something like, we're blessed.

Will Loconto:

Compassionate.

Cindy Bass:

We're blessed that we have a home, but we work hard for the home. And maybe this person has some sort of mental disorder, but he's dangerous.

Will Loconto:

And there's another out of my mind. And that's another issue talking about is it decent to allow a mentally ill person to be out on the street?

Cindy Bass:

Remember when we were in Vegas, me and we actually decided to walk, which was hard for me to get you to do, but finally you were walking with me and we started feeling weird, like somebody behind us. It was just a, you felt it. So, and then the guy went around to my left, he walked in front of us and all of a sudden he just started attacking a shrubbery bush. Just remember he jumped at it and started boxing it as if it was Godzilla or someone attacking him, a bush right in front of us. Clearly he's insane. Or he is probably schizophrenic or something like that.

Will Loconto:

Right, and it's not good. And it's also not okay to say "that's what happens in a city," because that's not

Cindy Bass:

Well, it's Vegas.

Will Loconto:

Yeah, but it's still not normal to accept.

Cindy Bass:

No, it's not. But the only part that really disturbs me there is it could have been me because he just walked past the left side of me. Well, he could have knocked me out because he could have saw me as a monster or whatever He saw the bush was. So, and

Will Loconto:

That's a day-to-day occurrence for a lot of people that live in the cities

Cindy Bass:

That work and have to walk a block down from the parking garage or a rail or

Will Loconto:

Whatever, or worry, they might get pushed in front of a subway.

Cindy Bass:

That's right. Or inside riding a rail or a subway

Will Loconto:

Right, and get attacked by a crazy person

Cindy Bass:

And other people in there watch it. I'm telling you this, if somebody jumped on somebody right in front of me, I mean, I'm going to pummel them.

Will Loconto:

Yeah.

Cindy Bass:

I'm going to help protect even it if I get hurt. Because you can't set by and watch people get beat.

Will Loconto:

No. Or harassed. Good people protect good people.

Cindy Bass:

Yeah, you do. And if more people would stand up, just stand up in whatever situation it is, do the right thing, say the right thing, be vocal, then the direction of decency and

Will Loconto:

Yeah, the pendulum swings.

Cindy Bass:

The pendulum will go back. That's what's going to have to happen for this country to get ahold of itself? Be cause it's so,

Will Loconto:

What we have now is the result of people not giving a shit anymore.

Cindy Bass:

It's like when I talk to people about the things that we're doing here with our podcasts that are important to us, that we feel are important to children and families. Some people roll their eyes, think that we're going overboard or whatever we are a knot.

Will Loconto:

Or that you can't do anything about it because,

Cindy Bass:

That's right.

Will Loconto:

That's not true either.

Cindy Bass:

That's not true. Lots of my friends that are liberal, they come on to my Facebook and make comments. And first of all, I don't care. I do not care what they think. I know what's right and wrong. And I do know what's decent. I'm a very fair person, and I believe in the laws. I know I'm not a perfect person. And some of the things I did when I was a teenager or twenties weren't the greatest.

Will Loconto:

Everybody does dumb things.

Cindy Bass:

Everybody does it. We're rebellious kids. Kids are rebellious. That's normal. But somewhere I found decency within the way I was raised, that I was taught values by example. I went into stores as a child. I didn't break anything. I didn't run around crazy. It's because my mother or my dad, I wouldn't do it because I was with my mom and dad. So that's the difference. Everyone's stuck in their phones or they're on drugs or not everyone I got, I got to stop saying everyone. But these people that don't care about decency, it's just so important.

Will Loconto:

Well, even the things when we talk about the parenting, the idea that there are a lot of parents that aren't willing to make the sacrifices that are needed to raise a child in a proper way and in proper, I mean, making them a good citizen, making them a good friend, making them a good family member, making them

Cindy Bass:

The best student they can be,

Will Loconto:

And making them, instilling work ethic, instilling the idea that society requires participation.

Cindy Bass:

That's why I always love sports for the kids,

Will Loconto:

Because it's a clear way to show effort turning into success.

Cindy Bass:

And learning how to be a team player, losing, winning, just all the things that we should be teaching the kids that all life lessons, you know, have done. And I have done.

Will Loconto:

Life lessons.

Cindy Bass:

Life lessons. I'm spending all this time talking on a podcast to help others. I have no problem with what I have done with my children and what was done for me as a child and what I know will happen for my grandkids. I don't worry about it at all because the foundation is there.

Will Loconto:

Well, and the crazy part too, when somebody, you'll, someone will listen to that and say, well, Cindy, you were privileged. And you know what? It's not privileged. It's the way things should be.

Cindy Bass:

That's right.

Will Loconto:

You're not privileged because your parents did the right thing. That should be the default for society. And the ones that do the wrong thing or don't do enough should be the anomaly.

Cindy Bass:

Yeah. So one thing I could say is, let's take a rich mother with a child. Your bathroom might be the size of someone poor's house, and you might have a spa on your house and a marble tub. Then you might be middle class, and you might have a normal bathroom with a normal bathtub and normal everything. Normal is media medium in the median size. And then you might be dirt poor. You might not have a bathtub, you might just have a sink. But guess what? You got to a sink. And that means you can wash armpits and do a sponge bath and get your kids clean.

Will Loconto:

Keep your kids clean. Decency has no economic limits.

Cindy Bass:

Where you're at is where you should be decent at, if that makes any sense.

Will Loconto:

And decency is not cultural in a racial way.

Cindy Bass:

No.

Will Loconto:

It's not cultural in a religious way.

Cindy Bass:

No.

Will Loconto:

And it's not cultural in an economic way.

Cindy Bass:

No.

Will Loconto:

Decency crosses all of the economic spectrum.

Cindy Bass:

It's your core. It's the core of who you are and your values. And I always relate everything to children because,

Will Loconto:

Well, that's the easiest way to see innocence spoiled.

Cindy Bass:

People that don't have kids, you don't have that. And I'm sorry if you can't have kids or whatever the reason is you don't have 'em. But I had 'em, and that's just the way it is. I had 'em and I was the best I could be for them, but I modeled after being cared for in a good way. And also, if you have been in a horrible place, you can make it through these things and be decent. Some of these things that kids and people go through are horrific. And I don't know how your mind, but I know my mind could come through it. I've taught my kids that whatever that you want to do, you can do. It's all about your effort. And if you set your mind to it, you can do it. It may take you longer. You might get it done faster than anyone, but if you set your mind to it, you can do it. I just know.

Will Loconto:

And that's a good lesson, even if they fail, right?

Cindy Bass:

Yes.

Will Loconto:

Frankly, that's something that's lost on our culture now too. It is the idea that...

Cindy Bass:

It's not fun to fail.

Will Loconto:

No, it's not fun to fail, but you learn things when you fail.

Cindy Bass:

Yeah. I got an F on a paper in college. I'm still not over it. It's been many years. But that's me, the overachiever for grades, and I'm just telling you that's being funny. But getting back to decency, I wanted to say, and I'm not degrading the Kardashians because I find them kind of entertaining. And I do watch it from time to time because I have girls, and I think it's funny, all these girls, but I don't enjoy the rap stuff. I do like rap music, but I don't enjoy all the butt clapping and all that stuff. Does it matter as an adult? No. People can do it. You can do it anywhere you want to, can do it strip clubs or at the bars, whatever. But why is it teaching the little ones? Somehow decency has to set in where

Will Loconto:

Age appropriate

Cindy Bass:

Age appropriate. Yeah, that's it. Age appropriate. And get the greed out of your life. Pure greed,

Will Loconto:

Envy.

Cindy Bass:

But it's greed for the entertainers that literally don't care how filthy they go, that they seem to make more money these days with that. And I'm a really important topic to me.

Will Loconto:

Well, especially when it's talking about the kids. Just because you can't understate how much decency, integrity, and manners set children up for success, period.

Cindy Bass:

That's right.

Will Loconto:

You just can't, there is no counter-argument to that.

Cindy Bass:

Some of the greatest moments, and I know you've had 'em too, is when I believe it was a state representative, met my girls and told me how mannerly they were and how awesome they were. Those were the things that mean so much to me, is that I was a part of it that I raised them. That's wonderful.

Will Loconto:

And on the flip side, the saddest thing is that that's not normal.

Cindy Bass:

I know. I do know it will happen through my line, through my kids.

Will Loconto:

Oh Yeah. Right. They're going to do it for their kids.

Cindy Bass:

But I wish for it for all kids.

Will Loconto:

Right.

Cindy Bass:

I wish all kids were cared for in this manner. And it's all it takes.

Will Loconto:

Well, right, and the fundamental truth is that how we conduct ourselves matters a lot. Having a moral compass matters a lot. It's a positive model for society. It's not a moral dictate of crazy religious weirdos. It's about being good people, fundamental good people.

Cindy Bass:

Kids that haven't been taught value don't value anything.

Will Loconto:

Yes, and that's where we will end this.

Cindy Bass:

See ya!